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Java: Don’t worry about unnecessary details.
C++: It’s important to worry about details.
C: If it works, don’t fix it.
Rust: If it works, fix it anyway.
Assembly Language: Worry about microseconds, not your finite lifespan.
Perl: The Wild West in text processing form.
Python: The Netherlands in text processing form.
Ruby: Easy to understand, especially after the first five years.
Scala: Do you find ordinary programming languages too easy? Try Scala.
Haskell: Do you find Scala too easy? Try Haskell.
Erlang: I fancy a sequential subset. Would anyone else like a sequential subset?
Cobol: Do you find ordinary programming languages too exciting? Try Cobol.
ActionScript: Let’s not be too hasty to write off the Titanic.
Javascript: You can run but you can’t hide.
CoffeeScript: Maybe we can hide?
C#: Probably not everything Microsoft does is bad.
Swift: Probably not everything Apple does is good.
Awk: Recapture your nostalgia for the late 1970s.
Fortran: Recapture your nostalgia for the 1950s.
PHP: Because sometimes you need to compromise your principles.
Basic: Everyone’s got to start somewhere.
Pascal: You can use a proper language when you finish your course.
Kotlin: Damn those Oracle guys with their so-called Java.
Go: We know you hate C++. Here’s the answer.
Smalltalk: Surely we can’t just throw it away?
Lisp: Because life’s too short to learn new programming languages.
Ada: We can’t have planes crashing now, can we?
R: It’s important. One day scientists will figure out why.
PL/SQL: Because every life must include some suffering.
CSound: Make any kind of music you like, as long as it’s awful.
Visual Basic: I think I felt a pulse?
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